I’m sitting in my bedroom, taking in the piles of worn books and mountains of decade-old belongings, when it hits me like a steel shovel to the head – one more week and this cozy, comfortable world will be turned upside down forever. Come next Friday, when I re-locate to Toronto for a six-week internship, I will be confronted with the terrifying realization that I, Emma Marshall, am a bona fide, real-life adult.

My chest constricts and my breathing quickens as I come to understand that I will say goodbye to my life as an undergraduate, as a young adult, and as a somewhat-spoiled only child, who relies on her parents for her daily dose of fruits and vegetables. To me, money management means choosing a nice pair of jeans over a night out on the town; how in God’s name am I going to get through this?

While the prospect of working for a major publication in a bustling city is something I’ve dreamt about since middle school, I can’t help but focus on all of the unfinished business awaiting me. Even now, perched on my maroon-colored bedspread with a cup of green tea, my mind reels. What should I pack? Should I start looking for a part-time job in Toronto before I arrive? Oh and um…where exactly will I live?

I am constantly being told to look on the bright side, by family, friends, or concerned strangers. I’m bred from the cloth of both panic and doubt, doomed to constantly question and analyze, and with Toronto on the horizon, my outlook is no different.

“You’ve wanted an opportunity like this for ages!” cried my mom, a look of confusion on her face. “Think of how nice it’ll be to not see your mom for six weeks!” said my dad, a smile creeping across his lips. “You’ll…be in Toronto?” query my friends, unsure of exactly where my hesitation lies. And to be perfectly frank, their mystification is warranted.

A million thoughts have raced through my mind amidst the stress of final exams and last-minute arrangements, yet only one has truly stuck, and seems to be cemented there for eternity; I, Emma Marshall, am not so sure I want to grow up.